All of my friends are in a relationship. That’s an exaggeration but it’s definitely a thought majority of us have had at some point. What am I supposed to be doing if I’m in a relationship? Should I have a boyfriend/girlfriend by now? Why haven’t I had my first kiss? Even if they aren’t in a relationship, it sometimes feels like 90% of people are “talking” to someone or “linking” someone.
I’ve always been a bit of an agony aunt to most of my friends and when we were a bit younger they wanted advice on lipgloss, tween magazines and whether or not ‘Berrylicious’ nail polish would look good with their sparkly turquoise dress, but now approaching 15, I’ve found myself being asked about dating, periods, kissing, and partying- the plot of just about every coming of age movie- but here’s the catch: I don’t know the ‘right’ thing to do either… Okay, well my knowledge of rom-coms has been of great assistance and I read a lot so I’m not entirely clueless but I’ve never done these things before either. Anyone who understands the colour wheel or has a turquoise dress at home can tell you if maroon nail polish is a good idea for the school disco next week but giving advice that will impact someone for the rest of their lives is a little more daunting.
I like to think of it as: when you’re born you are like a fresh tub of Play-Doh- easy to manipulate and mould. You know when you leave Play-Doh out and forget to put it back into the tub and it gets crustier and harder to manipulate? As we age, we do the same thing- minus the getting crustier part of course… As a teenager, we are still young, even though we like to pretend we’re not (immature and young are not the same thing…) and sometimes it frightens me that I’ll end up being that stupid little kid in kindergarten who sticks a HUGE lump of blue Play-Doh into the pink and ends up messing it up. No piece of Play-Doh will be able to stay complete pure and pristine when being tossed around a nursery with countless messy kids and honestly, a piece of Play-Doh full of little multi-coloured specks is more beautiful and ‘rustic’. I don’t want to be responsible for changing someone so drastically for the worse, rather, nudge them towards the Play-Doh pot to give them a break from the chaos or point them in the right direction of the kind, artistic kid who’s in awe of the Play-Doh’s beauty and will cherish and improve it by sculpting wonderful things.
Now what on earth has this got to do with dating Jade? Being that piece of Play-Doh with the absolute attention of that one child sculpting you to their hearts content is all fun and games til they get bored or worse- get carried away to the point where they tear you up: break you. After being broken we get caught in the trap where we’re left in pain waiting for someone to pick us up and put us back into one piece. It’s difficult to put yourself back together again and it definitely takes strength you didn’t know you had in yourself. This is the point where we stray from the Play-Doh analogy because unfortunately Play-Doh cannot magically rekindle itself to its former glory 🙁 And sometimes you’re so broken you can’t find all of the pieces because they’re all lodged in the carpet and in that little blonde kid’s hair…)
Relationships can be pretty straight forward or complex and like a board game you can’t undo the move you’ve already done. Sometimes (very rarely might I add), I do wish I was dating someone so I could learn how to be someone’s girlfriend but then I remember: at some point I’m going to, so why go for the first guy who treats me nicely… You can get it over and done with or wait…but I cannot deal with lack of respect to another person’s opinion. Just don’t.
Part of the reason I don’t date currently is because I’m scared it’s going to be more like Play-Doh than I’m hoping. Also, I don’t like not knowing or understanding something, so for now I’m going to watch and I guess learn from the people I’m close to. I think that’s justification enough for my relationship advice I’m constantly spouting- I’m trying to learn from as much as I can from the world around me about not just dating, every new situation I’m faced with. Everyone wants to be loved and I’m starting to realise you don’t need to be romantically involved with someone to be loved- if you’re fulfilled by going out there and having a good ole stab in the dark- just do it! I admire you for that but you’re allowed to wait. You don’t need to have done certain things by a certain age. There’s no age limit on love. Trust me it’s just as much fun 🙂
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